mine's longer, but don't have the mood to write it now.. tomorrow it's a promise

ok, im very interested in peoples placebo storys

fair enough. errrrrrrrrr, were to start? good or bad? hhmm, well i fell in love with his voice not him coz i was convinced he was a woman. then my dad told me about Mr. Molko, so i thought ooo goodie he's a bloke, the first song i ever heard was nancy boy. then the bitter end. so i bought sleeping with ghosts. i had five four funirals then, going through a really bad time. to put it propoly, that year was aload of ****e.

then the year got better wene i moved to high school. that was even worse, couldn't talk to my mates, walk down the coridoor, walk in the class room, street or through the gates with out some thing getting shouted at me or thrown at me. it was the same in my primary school. i had two, so called friends who liked to hit me, put me down, walk all over me it weas a crap time. don't kno why they did it, i couldn't have my own thoughts. they enjoyed making my life a misery, i'm ok with one but the other one will get a slap wene i next see her. not the one begining with A. i forgot about placebo abit here, so i just sulked all the time, then thought. i'll put that cd on i haven't listened to in ages, i had BMM then as well. it helped so much, but i was still doing self harm and still very depressed. now i think, i had all there albums. so i thought, wow. these guys are great.

done some research found out i loved them. i had three good friends, i just want to thank them so much. thanks guys! and two web mates, thank you! so i became a placebo fanatic. wene i saw bri with out make-up i didn't kno who he was and thought he's nice. then recgonized the voice. wene i was with the two, i was reling on placebo alot to keep me going. so i just kept my chin up and quite, i tried talking too the two  but they didn'tgive a rats ass. so i had to liste to them bitch but they just ignored me.

it stopped in late feb this years coz i got suspended for a month. then, saw the guys live! i wasn't talking to the two then, i had three tickets, played merry hell finding another friend to go with me. want to thank him to. i enjoyed it, i didn't have to worry about being put down all the way through like "stop it, i'm trying to  listen to placebo" wene about five thousend other fans were screaming i love you brian and a few other things i won't say that were said at the back. or "why did your dad have to come you should have brought S" for a start it was in bloody manchest. i live in the noctorum.  i didn't have this discomfort that i'd be put down or laughed at, so i forgot all about her. i came back with a t-shirt, poster, lanyard, wrist band and a really bad head ach and no voice. it was great. and  seeing bri live

she said she hated me coz i took him and not her. and didn't get her anything. i ignored it coz she didn't ask. a week later i wasn't talking to them at all. placebo got me through it, the friend ship was crap any way coz it was always up and down.

i'm ok now, and think i've gone on abit. i'm just going to buy all there singles you can.

 Sorry i know i said i would write my story yesterdaybut i got side tracked with Tess having a good old rant and rave about the members of the rapid forum trashing Brian..don't get me started!!!

 Well i've had a pretty crap time since the age of 5.  I went through both sexual abuse and bullying at school, the first part of my teens was good, i had moved house and someone tried to bully me in the new place and i had to resort to fighting (which i hate) and it sorted the problem. It's not a great option!!.

I got married young after a fall out with my dad, and as i was too young i know now i got trapped into marrying coz i didn't have a clue how to get out of it or who to turn to when it all went wrong. 2 weeks into the marriage, the violence started and lasted 7 yrs. If that ever happens to any of you...no matter how scared you are, please tell someone about it.  But i sincerly hope it doesn't.  The worse thing my parents said was, 'Don't come running back when it all goes wrong' they didn't like the guy, and i didn't go running back.

My parents were there for me in the end, i was lucky to have a good 5yrs with my mum before she died, i nursed her through 2 of those yrs. I got into a great relationship that only lasted 3yrs and during that time i lost my sister, i fell apart (9yrs on, i still can't come to terms with it)

So in 1997 i was at my lowest, ever. My partner had moved on and found someone else and i was still in love and gutted   I was at work one day and finally snapped out of the daze i was in when i heard Pure Morning. Something just moved me, i felt good after hearing the song, found out the name of the band and went on the hunt.  I saw the video on sky and fell for the cutie straight away

I couldn't believe my luck when i heard the rest of their music and they were singing about stuff that made me look at my life and what i'd been through. They could have written those songs for me, i could relate to them all in one way or another. I just kept getting more and more into them, now i can't do without them.  I am sharing a house with my ex (not the violent one) and we are great friends now.

I got my daughter into Placebo we fight over Brian all the time and are now going to see them for the first time together.

I need to hear Placebo everyday, they keep me going. I do still get very low but not as often as i used to. And it's thanks to Placebo and to you guys too, i've had a ball chatting to you all coz u know exactly how i feel about the band and can put up with me yapping about them all the time

hannah's right helgz, you've had it worse than i have. but thank boy george for placebo! you'll be ok, i'm still going through some of it, but i'm walking through it roight now, i just go to a ****e school and thank you hannah. it was a big  kick in the asss for me wene my mate gave me a smack across the head and said you can't go on like this, but sorry to hear about all that stuff helgz. at least it's over, i don't plan on getting married. to frightened for loads of reasons and ones full comitment. i have a fear of loosing my freedom

Helgz, I'm so happy you're over it and that you feel better... It's really good to know that you're fine now, and I'm really sorry you had such a hard time, but you're over it, thanks to our sweet prince, Brian and the lovely Placebo....
And we're always here for a chat Helgz

 Thank you for all the kind thoughts there and it goes the other way too, if any of you need to talk about stuff don't hesitate ok. Will you said i had it worse than you, i believe that although i had more stuff to cope with that everyone's level of stress and depression can be equal no matter what. We have both went through bullying and deaths so we must have felt about the same at some point.  I am over most of it now, still can't cope with my sister's death, as it was sudden   I still get depressed about the other stuff but not as much. Being on here and chatting with you all really helps too. As well as Placebo

Right. I have put this off for too long. I have been reading your stories and have so much empathy for all of you and what you have gone through.

I have been lucky in life. Wonderful parents, a wonderful childhood and I even got through school without much bullying. But I have always lacked confidence and I have been anxious about stuff that might not even happen. But I always had this quiet confidence that I would be a wonderful mother; patient, liberal, understanding, sympathetic. They were my qualities and I always enjoyed other people's children. Too scared and unambitious to make my way in the world, I have let life grab me rather than me grab life. I couldn't bare the competitive world so happily sought the married/mother role. I married a lovely man 2 years after leaving university and was pregnant within the year. All my dreams were coming true.

I more than bloomed. I was nearly 4 stones heavier by the time I was due to give birth. But I was happy. I had a trouble-free delivery and came home with a beautiful, healthy baby boy.

The first few weeks were wonderful albeit the sleepless nights, engorged boobs, dirty nappies and continuous breastfeeding. My husband soon returned to work and I settled down for the tough routine of early rises, several feeds, colic and disturbed sleep. I was coping well at first but as my fellow mother friends were seeing progress and change in their babies, my difficulties were worsening day by day. He was waking every hour in the night, needing feeding and rocking that could last an hour. He was crying all afternoon, neither wanting to be held or put down. He would bring up nearly all his feed and rarely smile at me.

I was exhausted, gaining more weight and barely getting the chance to shower or do anything for me. By 4pm I would leave the house and walk up and down the street for 2 hours until my Husband would come off his train and relieve me.

This continued for several months. Some things would improve but other things would worsen. The bad days far outwayed the good days.

I spoke to my parents, my husband, health visitors and other mothers but no one would acknowledge that I was suffering more than I should be. I was told that either this was normal, or that it would improve when he is sitting up, on solids, in his own room, blah, blah, blah but it never did.

We moved away when he was a year old and lived in a small room in my sister-in-law's house until we could afford to buy our own near by. We were there 5/6 months and the afternoons were the worse. He would cry all afternoon when I was on my own with him and nothing would appease him. I would cry most days whilst rocking him in my arms, wondering what did I do wrong, why was he different, why didn't anyone care?

One afternoon he slept, I took a compilation CD from my Sister-in-laws collection. It was 'alternative' but I was used to All Saints, Madonna, Spice Girls etc...I put it in my walkman and lay, eyes closed, on my bed. Mansun came on with Wide Open Space. I liked that. But next was something different. I didn't know if I liked it yet but I knew I had to hear it again and again and again. I never got further with the CD. I must have listened to Teenage Angst 20 odd times. Shine the headlights....My God, that was how I felt everyday facing this child. Started to decay.....that is how I felt since bringing that child home.

I bought the album and it moved me, comforted me and empowered me.

I have bought all the albums since and it has changed my taste in music (and men!) When I finally put the face to the voice I couldn't believe I had shrugged him off all those years ago. Why had this music suddenly spoke to me when it hadn't before?

I was eventually diagnosed with post-natal depression but only after a year of suffering in silence. I feel so much better these days and that pesky boy is mostly a real pleasure. But it is always there simmering, telling me how rubbish and useless I am. Placebo bring me comfort on a daily basis for so many reasons. Sometimes I wallow in the misery of the songs but it is cathartic. Then other days I let them bring out the rebel in me. Thank you Placebo, for being the only ones that understood what I went through and still being here when I came out the other side.

 

Tess

your right, but your a strong person helgz, i'm not. i stay there, wollowing in self pity for hours on end. it does tend to lurk, i'd give it a kick up the bu if it was a person. and tess, your a really lovely person.

that's wot happened with me, their pulling me out

me too. i'm excited